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HOWARD STERN VS. OPRAH
All the while that the Federal Communications Commission is crying foul about disc jockey Howard Stern’s behaviour on American radio, notorious afternoon talk show time waster Oprah Winfrey has been dirtying the broadcast airways with sex talk that would curl your hair.
On a recent show, an Oprah magazine writer described in jawdropping, lewd detail, the latest fads in teen sex. Viewers learned that a “tossed salad,” had little to do with healthy eating, but instead referred to oral sex to the anus. The guest went on to describe “rainbow” parties — gatherings at which a gaggle of lipstick-wearing young girls provide oral sex to one or more males.
Robert Hilliard, co-author of Dirty Discourse: Sex and Indecency in American Radio, feels that shows like Oprah’s pass muster because they inform, not titillate. Shyeaah, right …
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FIRE BURNS HOT !!!
The buzz on Denzel Washington’s new flick, Man on Fire, is hotter than a June bride on her wedding night. Action-packed with a great big dollop of heart right at its centre, Denzel’s work on screen is nothing less than superb, as combustible as we’ve ever seen him. And, don’t let 10-year-old co-star Dakota Fanning’s tender years fool you — she’s a professional through and through, matching Denzel’s work scene-for-scene in Tony Scott’s flammably intense production.
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TOMMY SMOTHERS’ INCEST NIGHTMARE
When you’ve got The Unbelievable Truth on Saturday night, there’s no need to go to the grocer’s checkout stand to catch up on the latest headlines in the National Enquirer. According to Lantana, Florida’s most reliably useable fish wrap, “an ugly incest scandal has come back to haunt legendary comic Tommy Smothers.”
In this sizzling front page story, gossip-monger Tim Plant quotes an insider as saying, “The emotional toll this is taking on (Tommy’s) current marriage could be devastating. He wants people to remember him for the warm comedy and music he’s made, not for those horrible sexual allegations.”
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BRAD GETS NAKED WITH ANGELINA!
And, finally this week, the news that you’ve just got to know. Yes, it’s true kiddies: The current Mr. Aniston and the ex-Mrs. Thornton have apparently taken to rutting like crazed weasals in the springtime, on the set of their upcoming movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith! Just remember: You read it here first.
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10-4, OVER AND OUT!
Well, I don’t know about you, but all this titillating news is a tad too distressing for your able reporter. I’m just too verklempt to continue. See ya next week, same time, same place, for more dirty bits and juicy tips.
