Category Archives: Jude and Megan

Stories of a Life | Fathers and Daughters | Megan & Me | Part 1

Megan, sleeping, December 1978

In my 68 years on this planet, from the time of her birth, the most meaningful relationship in my life was the one I shared with my daughter, Megan, who saw something in me, a kindness of spirit and a gentleness of soul that previous to her birth on Saturday, March 26th 1977 was unplumbed, a capacity for love that remains in me still today, as will always be the case.
Megan was a breach birth, undecided if she wanted to make her entrance into the world. At Burnaby General Hospital, late on that Saturday night, Cathy under anaesthetic, forceps brought my daughter through the birth canal into the warmth of the operating room. After the umbilical cord had been snipped, Megan was wrapped in swaddling clothes, and given to me.
For the first 10 minutes of her new life, I held Megan in my arms, she looking directly into my eyes, and mine into hers, an event that is most often referred to as imprinting, a remarkable phenomenon that occurs in the first minutes and hours of life. From that moment to this, my connection with my daughter has remained the strongest bond of my life.
The months after Megan’s birth were tempestuous in her mother’s life, as our marriage was slowly breaking down.
By the time Megan was nine months of age, and I was enrolled in a Master’s programme at Simon Fraser University, her mother had removed Megan from the jurisdiction several times — these days we’d call it kidnapping, but back then in the limbo of a jurisdictional dispute between the family court and Supreme Court, and a supine provincial government seemingly unable or unwilling to bring closure to the jurisdictional debate (the Supreme Court eventually “won”, and was given jurisdiction over custodial and all other matters relating to the welfare of children), in B.C. we existed in a state of stasis, the welfare of our children in jeopardy.
Over the months of her first year, Megan would be taken away, I’d frantically attempt to discover her whereabouts, and the family court, police & Ministry of Human Resources would become involved in the pursuit of discovering Megan’s whereabouts (I was never overly concerned about Megan’s welfare — I knew she was with her mother and that was fine with me, it was just that I missed her & wished her reunited with her brother).
Early in 1978, when Megan had “disappeared” again, this time for a couple of months — Cathy had taken Megan to her mother’s winter home in Arizona — and was “apprehended” by Ministry social workers upon Cathy and Megan’s return, arrangements were made to once again place Megan in my care (at the time, I thought Cathy had got a raw deal in the courts).
One Saturday afternoon early in the year, arrangements were made for a social worker to drop Megan off at a friend’s home in the 4400 block of Albert Street, near Willingdon and East Hastings. A request had been made that the “exchange” take place in a public area — in this case, a friend’s home — and shortly after 1pm, there was a knock at the door. Someone sitting nearby the front entrance opened the door, the social worker asked if I was present, to which the person who’d answered the door said, “yes.” I could see around the corner near the front entrance, and could see Megan gently moved from the arms of the social worker, until her two feet touched the ground, at which point the social worker exited.

marxist reading group

Megan, looking into the room, saw what I am sure she experienced as an unusual and confusing sight. That afternoon, was my usual practice, I was a participant in a Marxist reading group, about 20 friends scattered around the room, half of them men, half of them women. As was the de rigeur haberdashery presentation style of the day, I was wearing rimless glasses, had on a check shirt and jeans, my hair dark, wavy and unkempt, as I sat reclined in an armchair on the other side of the room, about twenty to twenty-five feet away from where Megan stood near the front entrance.
Megan set about to scan the room, all the men looking almost identical with their longish dark hair, checkered shirts, beards, worn jeans, with world weary, pre-revolutionary looks on their faces. The room went momentarily silent, at which point Megan took her first tentative steps, then a bit more determinedly, heading straight for me, stopping at and holding my bony knees, allowing me to pick her up and onto my lap, she turning to look at my face, then placing her body against my chest, breathing slowly and rhythmically. The Marxist reading group continued our afternoon’s activity.
After two months away from me, and at such a young age, how did Megan recognize me on that chill mid-winter’s afternoon?
The answer: the same way she has always recognized me, as my daughter, me as her father, our bond unbreakable, then, now and forever.

Stories of a Life | The Fine Art of Flirting | Towards Connection

The Fine Art of Flirting and Seduction as a Mean to Establish a Connection

In 1986, some 32 years ago now, when my daughter Megan was a strapling girl of nine years, late one autumn Sunday morning on Granville Island, Megan and Jude and I — the three of us having enjoyed our once-a-month breakfast on the Island — found ourselves in the Market wandering up and down the aisles where various of the foodsmiths had set up their wares.
As Megan and I were standing among the throngs of families along one of the aisles, waiting for Jude to make his way back in from the area just outside the southeast doors, where he was on the sunny promenade chasing the birds, I spotted a tall, strikingly beautiful woman in brightly coloured, textured clothing. Megan saw that I had noticed this woman.
Megan looked at me and said, “No, don’t.”
“But, Megan,” I responded.
Fine, but don’t take too long.”
So, leaving Megan alone momentarily, I approached the young woman, who was standing with her friend just mere feet away. After introducing myself, I said to the young woman (22 years of age, I was to learn), “I took notice of your colourful & artistic presentation of self, your warmly textured choice of clothing, and was wondering if perhaps you are a student at Emily Carr?”
“Thank you for asking,” she responded. “No, I am not a student at Emily Carr. Rather, I am enrolled in the Psychology Department at UBC’s Point Grey campus, where I am currently working on my undergraduate degree.”
“May I enquire as to what year,” I asked?
“Third,” she said.
Almost fixed, then, I guess,” I said.
“Yes, almost fixed,” she said, sighing just a little, a gentle smile on her lips.
A which point, I bid her adieu, wishing her well, saying what a pleasure it had been to meet her and her friend, indicating Megan standing just a few steps away, and begged my leave in order to return my awaiting daughter.
Upon arriving back at Megan’s side, she looked at me and said, “Well?”
“Not a student at Emily Carr. In her third year in Psychology at UBC,” I said, looking at Megan.
“Oh,” Megan said. “Jude’s going to meet us over at The Loft. I want to get some beads. Let’s head over there now.” And off the two of us went, to be joined by Jude about 10 minutes later.
If you can’t tell from the story above, I am an ineffable, unrepentant, inveterate flirt, as has been the case my entire adult life through until now.

John Steinbeck, East of Eden, on a Woman With Love in her Heart as Being Indestructible

I love women, have always loved women, have found myself gifted throughout the entirety of my adult life with loving relationships of long duration with beautiful, accomplished, tough-minded, take no guff, incredibly bright women of conscience.
Whatever few recommendable aspects there may be of how I bring myself to the world, it is the women in my life who have helped to shape me, and created the man whose words you read on the screen before you.
As it happens, from my teenage years through until the present day, I have never pursued the love of a woman. I possess no desire, nor ever possessed any intent whatsoever, so as to cause concern to any woman, and arising from such have not pursued a relationship with a woman, lest I may cause concern, or interfere with a woman’s quiet enjoyment of life.
Throughout the course of my adult life through until now, there has indeed occurred that rare and salutary occasion when a woman has made known to me her warm feelings of support — but because I am not good at reading signs of interest, the warm feeling must be made well known to me through explicit if gently encouraging conduct, otherwise my relationship with the women with whom I come into contact in the conduct of my life may be best defined as joyous, friendly, and warmly & utterly appreciative.
Every relationship of consequence I have had with a woman, and there have been a few, has come as an utter surprise (an encouragingly pleasant surprise) to me, made plain from that first moment I am kissed unawares, and then kissed again, when I think to myself, “I think she likes me!”
And my heart flutters, a joy washes over me, and I am enveloped in love.
Every relationship of consequence I have had with a woman begins with that first kiss, and you will be surprised to learn has in each case led to immediate co-habitation. Kismet, they call it, reaching across the universe, through time and space to reconnect with someone you have known and who has been a part of your life through the ages, and time immemorial.
And once again, I feel loved and understood, supported and protected, and she having once again found her mate feels loved and understood, supported and protected, and always always she has recognized me, such perhaps that I am once again renewed and reborn, and feel fully alive.
Flirting, though, is not quite that, although it is, still, a reaching across the universe to re-establish a sense of connection with someone you have known always. Innocent flirting. I love both the idea of flirting and the circumstances of flirtation, as a harmless, yet effectual means of establishing an immediate deep, often profound, and enduring connection.

birthday invitation

Eighteen months ago, I was invited to a friend’s birthday party.
Attending at the party was an amalgam of persons of conscience of my acquaintance, folks who are comfortable in their own skin, friendly, relaxed and on this day warmly companionable.
Midway through the party, I found myself standing over by the kitchen, leaning against a dividing wall between the kitchen and the dining room, observing all that was unfolding before me. As a trained sociologist, there’s nothing I like better than to stand back and away from what is going on in a room full of people, simply to observe, as if somehow at the end of the event I am attending, my intention would be to publish a reflective academic treatise, a scholarly abstract to be found in an obscure journal.
Some minutes into my casual yet intensive observation of all those persons attending the celebration, a woman of stature, warmth and substance made her way over to where I was leaning against the divide, the woman in her late 30s maybe, no older than early 40s, blonde, beautiful of soul & presentation, self-assured, warm & welcoming.
Unusual for me, all I said was hello — instead of the usual ramble for which I am well-renowned. I felt at ease with her, safe, comfortable & protected.
A few minutes into our conversation, as is sometimes the case, much to my surprise and amazement, I initiated an innocent flirtation with this woman, more to maintain my comfort level and a sense of equilibrium than for any other reason, in recognition that this was a woman of accomplishment and serious mien with whom I was conversing, well above my station I knew for sure, as she casually self-disclosed the most intimate details of her life with me — which could be seen as nothing else but building a sense of trust, a humane reaching out, and quite simply the most healthy act in which any person of character and conscience might engage, to actually reach out and touch another person’s heart, in the process creating palpable contact and connection, which disclosure required of me the necessity to overcome my natural shyness, to listen with intent and a kind and trusting heart.
So, there I was quietly flirting with this woman of accomplishment, becoming ever more engaged and amazed, but calm, in an ever-increasing zen state with every passing moment. The brief encounter I had with this woman of accomplishment has proved over the past 18th months to be my most moving new connection and engagement of character and substance.

authenticity

During the course of our 15-minute conversation, this woman told me all about herself, about her husband, her family and her children, why she wasn’t living on the west side but instead on the east side of the city, and the circumstances of her life — the only woman, the only person, who at our first meeting has ever trusted me as deeply as was the case here, that afternoon, with so intimate an insight into not just the prosaic aspects of her life, but with a penetrating insight into her philosophical, psychological and emotional makeup, how she derived meaning in her life, the successes of her life and those circumstances where she felt she might have done, and hoped to do better in the future.
No one, but no one is ever self-revelatory — but this vision, this spectral presence of pure loveliness who stood before me on that sunny Saturday afternoon certainly was. I simply stood there transfixed but present, fully appreciative of the gift of trust and connection that was being established, able to engage in conversation as equals, even in recognition of this woman of great accomplishment, astonishing wisdom & utter warmth and kindness.
At which point the woman’s beloved husband popped over to say to his wife that they had to be on their way, after which the two simply vanished.

Stories of a Life | 1972 – 73 Movements | The Douchebag Story

Vancouver in the 1970s, a picture taken on the eastside just off Hastings, at night

In 1972, upon returning from our two month sojourn to Mexico, Cathy and I became vegetarians. While traveling through Mexico, we were uncertain about the provenance of much of the food we ate, but were certain that far too much of what we consumed as “meat” was not meat from a cow.
Once back in Vancouver, Cathy and I were made aware of a “buying group” that had been formed by a friend of a friend, a sweet-natured, calm and centered, energetic and idea-filled fellow by the name of Murray Head. Murray had put together a group of 10 couples who would order food each week collectively, mostly produce, top quality from the best suppliers, as well as cheeses and a vast array of food staples of the very highest quality.
Cathy and I joined up with Murray and his wife, and eight other couples in May 1972 into this new, largely vegetarian collective buying group.
As word spread throughout the community about our newly-formed “buying group”, friends, neighbours, dope-smoking Cosmic League baseball players, and activists wanted in, and joined with us to create a much larger buying group, which by mid-July had become the Tillicum Food Co-operative.
With the support of Dave Barrett’s groundbreaking and leftist provincial government — a grassroots-based government if there ever was one, in Canada or elsewhere — $300,000 was granted by the government to the nascent group of activists who were organizing for change around food.
Norm Levi, British Columbia’s first Minister of Human Resources, was assigned the task of liasing with the members of the now burgeoning Tillicum Food Co-operative. A warehouse on Vancouver’s eastside was secured, two blocks north of the Waldorf Hotel, just off Hastings Street.
As the new Tillicum Food Co-op was realized, the food-buying club was re-organized into neighbourhood collectives, organized, run and operated by family groups with friends and neighbours in each of Vancouver’s 23 neighbourhoods, each collective run autonomously, but coming into the Tillicum Co-op warehouse each week to pick up their weekly food order.
Initially, collectives collated and submitted their orders for bulk pre-ordering with the other collectives. Responsibility for ordering and sorting the food for the whole club rotated among the various collectives.
As it happened, and quite fortuitously, the founders’ experiences with activism and community organization brought forward a skill-set that proved useful to starting a co-operative. Together, our collective experience brought communication, group decision-making, and leadership qualities.
Through trial and error, good-naturedly we learned how to start, manage and operate as a truly democratic, grassroots, member-run co-operative.
By September 1972, though, with dozens of collectives now spread across Vancouver, and beyond, moving into all of the cities across Metro Vancouver and into the Fraser Valley, a decision was taken to hire a “co-ordinator,” someone who would oversee the growth of the burgeoning grassroots co-operative movement in Vancouver. The “Co-ordinator” would be the de facto Chief Executive Officer, responsible for liaising with suppliers, organizing the collectives, overseeing the distribution of food, publishing a magazine, and working with all levels of government to grow the movement into a much larger social-environmental justice movement.
The individual who was chosen as the Tillicum Food Co-operative’s first co-ordinator was a 22-year-old Simon Fraser University student, a fellow by the name of Raymond Tomlin. From the time of his hire and over the course of the next year, Tillicum grew into a province and nationwide co-operative movement, with collectives in every town, village, community and city across the province, into the prairies, as well as into Washington state.
The thousand dollar a week buying club that had begun in May 1972, by September 1973 had become a thriving, two million dollar a month business, working with government to create British Columbia’s first co-operative child care centres, securing funding for our province’s first recycling depot, creating the Wild West Organic Co-operative (western Canada’s first organic food distributor), going on to purchase farms, setting up furniture building, tool and automotive co-operatives, and working with the provincial, and more, the federal government, to create a made-in-Canada solution for the provision of member-run affordable housing.
And thus by 1977, Canada saw the approval of our nation’s first housing co-operative, the Amor de Cosmos co-op in Vancouver’s Champlain Heights neighbourhood, followed by the creation of the Kitsun Co-op on West Broadway in Vancouver, Canada’s first solar-powered housing co-operative.
Halcyon days those, when all you had to do was come up with an idea, and with the support of Premier Dave Barrett’s and Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau’s governments — federally, Mr. Trudeau initiating virtually all of the policies of David Lewis’ federal New Democratic Party — there were jobs aplenty, significant funding for federal job creation programmes for activists, federally administered job programmes like the Local Initiatives Programme (LIP) that gave priority to “funding non-profit organizations that would provide useful services or facilities to the community,” and the longer term Local Employment Assistance Programme (LEAP) that not only created hundreds of thousands of jobs for activists across Canada, but in Vancouver funded almost all of the jobs at the Tillicum Food Co-operative.

Raymond Tomlin and Cathy McLean circa 1972, in the days of the Tillicum Food Co-operative1972: A fuzzy picture of a long-haired Raymond Tomlin, and exquisite Cathy McLean

Note should be made that the always brilliant and phenomenally talented Cathy McLean (my spouse and love of my life) wrote all of the grant applications — of which there were hundreds — every single one of the grant applications she submitted approved by the federal government.

In 1973, the Grandview United Church at 1895 Venables Street, just off Victoria Drive, became the Vancouver Free University1973: Grandview United Church, Venables & Victoria, became Vancouver Free University

The LIP and LEAP programmes were also responsible for helping to acquire a closed and forlorn church at Venables and Victoria Drive, which first became an open university, and soon after became known as the Vancouver East Cultural Centre, and then simply, in recent years as, “The Cultch.”

Paul Phillips, one of the founders of Vancouver's Fed-Up Food Co-operative WholesalerPaul Phillips, one of the founders of Vancouver’s Fed-Up Food Co-operative Wholesaler

A group of activists lead by Dana Weber, Ros Breckner and Paul Phillips left the now thriving Tillicum Food Co-operative to form the Fed-Up Food Co-op Wholesaler, importing food stuffs from across the globe, and acting as a supplier to the Tillicum Co-op. Fed Up was the first North American wholesaler to sign a contract that would bring sultana raisins from Australia onto this continent. Where Tillicum remained responsible for distributing food throughout the Metro Vancouver region, Fed Up took on the job of distributing food across the province, western Canada and down into the United States, and growing the food co-operative movement globally.

Simon Fraser University's Louis Riel House, a student family one-and-two-bedroom apartmentSimon Fraser University’s Louis Riel House, student family 1 + 2 bedroom residence

Meanwhile, there was nascent women’s and LGBTQ movements that were just getting underway. Throughout the 1970s, I recall that each Wednesday evening that Cathy would leave our apartment to meet with almost every woman who lived in Louis Riel House — the 148 one-bedroom and 61 two-bedroom student apartment residence located at Simon Fraser University’s Burnaby Mountain campus — for what was termed consciousness-raising.
The “consciousness-raising” of the day was not limited to white, cis-gendered women, however. No, as I wrote above, there was along with the women’s movement, a burgeoning & activist LGBTQ movement in our city.
And thus, finally on VanRamblings, the raison d’être as to why I am writing today’s Story of a Life, because today’s story is one that has remained deep within me all of my adult life, and helped to define my involvement over the past near 50 years in both the feminist & LGBTQ social justice movements.

The 1970s Women's Liberation Social Justice Movement, "I am a lesbian, and I am beautiful"

In the autumn of 1972 I made the acquaintance of a group of activist women who had formed their own collective in the Tillicum Food Co-op.
Young, bright, passionate, articulate, as I am wont to do, I fell in love with each of these women who supported me in my various endeavours, tough, strong, take no guff women who were surprisingly gentle and supportive of me, giving instruction to me as it was necessary (which was probably more often than I would admit even now). The group of us became fast friends, as we worked together to build a fairer, more just and inclusive society.
Now, each of these women, average age about 22, were strikingly attractive in the most usual sense, and drew a great deal of unwanted attention from men. To say that the early 70s were the days of rampant sexism is to understate the matter. These were antediluvian times in the history of the women’s movement, and in our collective history. The women in the Women’s Collective were able to handle whatever situation came their way, though, and nothing too untoward ever occurred, until …
The Women’s Collective was an overtly political collective. Not only were they progenitors of the women’s movement in Vancouver, they also wished to be progenitors of the LGBTQ movement, although all the women were white, educated and decidedly heterosexual.
The Women’s Collective, though, still took on the goal of championing LGBTQ issues, and lesbianism in particular, by adopting lesbianism as a personal and political endeavour. To thwart any interest by men, a decision was taken by each woman, who when I first met them weighed in at about 110 pounds sopping wet, to gain 60 pounds apiece — and they did.
By February 1973, each woman weighed in at about 185 pounds.
In addition to gaining weight, and becoming an overt, in-your-face lesbian collective, the Women’s Collective undertook a military-style training regimen, a three-month long boot camp that even though the women were now of hefty frame, they were also as strong, in actuality much stronger, than any man involved with either Tillicum or Fed Up Food Co-operative.
From autumn 1972 to winter 1973 I saw the transformation, and it was something to behold, a form of experiential personal theatre made live that was amazing to watch unfold. The women continued to be kind, tending to a quiet and less boisterous nature — although fun to be around, and at the monthly drunk-a-thon dances we had in the Tillicum warehouse, great dancers each and every one of them, lithe despite their new bulkiness.
Still, as I say, these were sexist and regressive times in the early 1970s.
Women were undermined as a matter of daily intercourse in the life of our society, tended to have what they said readily dismissed, and were regarded by most men of the time as little more than sexual playthings.
Not so for the politically active lesbian women in the Women’s Collective.

Team Jean Campaign Launch photos, taken at The Crescent, in Vancouver's wealthy Shaughnessy neighbourhood, on Saturday afternoon, June 9th, 2018

In Vancouver this past year, a new movement of change has emerged, the sort of revolutionary change many of us felt and lived in the late 1960s and early 1970s, this new Vancouver-based movement identifying themselves as TeamJean, a cadre of activists who have organized around Order of Canada recipient and veteran community and anti-poverty activist, Jean Swanson. What I find so becoming and hopeful about the, mostly, young people involved with TeamJean is not just their revolutionary fervor and their work towards creating substantive change in our society, and change now, but in how much fun they’re having in organizing for change, how each of them see the necessity of theatre as a necessary communications tool to get their ideas across in a humanist and non-threatening manner.
There is an excitement within TeamJean that is wholly inspiring, an excitement I haven’t seen, felt and experienced in more than 40 years.
In the 2018 Vancouver municipal election, I have been writing that Derrick O’Keefe, working with organizers within TeamJean like Sara Sg, Chanel Ly, Fiona York, Maddie Andrews, Duncan Martin, Selina Crammond, Riaz Behra, Luis Porte Petit, Ngaire Leach (the graphic designer behind the Jean Swanson logo, and all of TeamJean’s visual design), Shawn Vulliez, Aiden Sisler, Darlene Alice Bertholet, Beverly Ho, Devin Gillan, Alex Kennedy, Ishman Bhuiyan, Jorj Tempul and Qara Maristella believe not just in activism and activism with a conscience, but in the transformative power of theatre, art, song, dance and plain good fun towards changing and helping minds grow, to bringing people along with them into a new era of peace, social justice and inclusion, that aims to serve the many over the few.

Women march for equality in the 1970s, as part of the Women's Liberation Movement

In February 1973, a meeting of the collectives involved in the Tillicum Food Co-operative movement was called, the meeting taking place in a workshop space on 2nd Avenue just west of Main. These meetings were held monthly, chaired by me, where we shared ideas on how to grow the co-op movement, not just the food co-op movement, but movements in general.
Of course, a cadre of my favourite women in the Women’s Collective were present, all bulky and fine and in good spirits, on their home turf in their workshop space, and ready with a plethora of ideas on a panoply of activist fronts. The Women’s Collective had proven central to the success of the Tillicum Food Co-op, and the soon-to-be Fed Up Co-operative — without their support, counsel and energy, I’m not entirely sure that the Tillicum Food Co-op would have grown as it did in the first year, and beyond.
So, there we were on this chilly Tuesday evening in early February 1973, in a dimly lit workshop space, approximately 75 chairs set out, me at the front, collective members from across the Lower Mainland settled into their chairs, the women in the Women’s Collective “patrolling” the meeting, none of them seated, almost a security force, in case such was needed.
There was talk of forming a camping and adventure equipment co-operative, which eventually became the Mountain Equipment Co-op. There was talk about working with the provincial government on creating child care in our province, which occurred in 1974, when Norm Levi assigned $100 million to the creation of child care centres throughout the province. As usual, the meeting was positive and directed, orderly and respectful.
Except …
There was one man, sitting off to my left, in the second row who, when one of the women in the Women’s Collective offered up an idea that met with support, but debate from some of those present, that when it came time for this man to speak, he looked directly at the woman who had made the suggestion, and started off his address to her, saying, “Hey, douchebag …
In a millisecond, a woman in the Women’s Collective who’d been standing behind him, pulled his chair back on its back legs, his feet now dangling, while another woman in the collective approached him, pulling down his pants and his underwear, and when this was accomplished, yet another woman in the collective grabbed his flaccid penis, pulling it taut while also pulling up his scrotum, and then placing the tip of a knife under his scrotum in the perineal region midway between his anus and his genitals, the woman who had pulled down his pants and underwear now looking directly at this now formerly recalcitrant man, and asked, “Did you want to repeat yourself? Did you want to address my friend using the pejorative you employed just a moment ago? You called my friend what? I’m waiting …
All of the above had occurred in much under 60 seconds.
The formerly surly man of intransigent nature was mute, not frightened exactly but more contemplative than anything else. He shook his head, and finally uttered, “No, I have nothing to say other than, I’m sorry. It’ll never happen again. I promise.” And, in all the time to come it never did.
As quickly as the errant man had been approached, the women withdrew, his chair let down, aid given to pull up his pants, those 75 Tillicum members in attendance acknowledging what had occurred between the Women’s Collective and the disagreeable man, for what it was: theatre.
Of course, change doesn’t happen in a day, it is long and arduous and hard fought for — but occurs most often with action and a degree of humour.
Some year later, I recall working in the offices at the Fed Up Food Co-op on Scotia Street, and walking down into the warehouse, where 80 pound sacks of oatmeal were being carried from one end of the warehouse to the other. On one memorable occasion, I saw a young, petite woman quite easily carrying an 80-pound oatmeal sack on her back, as a man came up to her and, gallantly I’m sure he thought, looking at the woman, saying to her, “I can do that for you. I’ll take the sack, if you’ll let me.” And she did.
The man took the cumbersome 80-pound oatmeal sack, and struggled to carry it across the warehouse. Meanwhile, the woman who had given up the oatmeal sack had gone back to pick up a 100-pound sack of wholegrain flour, and as the man continued his struggle with the heavy oatmeal sack, the woman sailed on past the man with a light as a feather 100-pound flour sack on her back, glancing back at the struggling man saying, “Thank you,” and then proceeding to the other end of the warehouse with her burden that was not a burden at all, but a metaphor for change and growth, and the doctrine of a necessary and revolutionary change of consciousness.

Stories of a Life | My Mother’s Frustrated Dreams | Country Music

The New Westminster-based Rhythm Pals trio throughout the late 40s, 50s and 60s was considered to be Canada's best country music groupMike, Mark & Jack, New Westminster’s The Rhythm Pals, Canada’s best country group

In the 1950s my mother sang with the The Rhythm Pals, a New Westminster-based country music trio that was all the rage in the late 1940s, 50s and into the 1960s, in 1965, 1967, and 1968 winning the Juno Award as best Canadian country group, a few years after which they were inducted into the Canadian Country Music Hall of Honour, in 1989.
In my household growing up, it was Mike, Marc and Jack this, and Mike, Marc and Jack that, my mother keeping up her friendship with The Pals throughout the entirety of my young life. My mother loved to sing, sang all the time around our home and in the car, loved music of every description — when she was home there was always music in the house, Patti Page and Teresa Brewer her two favourite 1950s singers, later turning to Patsy Cline, all of whose music invested almost my every waking moment for years.
Looking back on it, I suppose my love for female vocalists originated with my own mother’s, if not exactly angelic but still melodic voice, her entire demeanour the very definition of joy when she sang. Driving around with my parents in the family car, the radio was turned up loud, my mother singing along with all of the artists of the day, save Nat King Cole, who she worshipped, and would not as his daughter did years later, ‘duet’ with him.
Above all else, though, my mother loved country and western music, a mix of Americana, folk and roots music that spoke of struggle and love lost, of tragedy and wont and lives not fully realized, the heartfelt music I grew up on and which, later in life, would emerge as my favourite musical genre, coming around to appreciate country music, after having as a teenager and for many years after rejecting the music my mother loved, finally coming around in my early 40s — I’ve loved Iris DeMent, Alison Moorer, Shelby Lynne, Kasey Chambers, Lucinda Williams, Lori McKenna, Miranda Lambert and Kacey Musgraves ever since. whose music has become the melancholy and thoughtful soundtrack that has informed my life this past 30 years.

In the late summer of 1958, my parents moved the family to Edmonton, to be closer to family and to be closer to the soundtrack of my mother’s life, roots and classic country music being far more popular on the Prairies than would ever be the case in the Lotusland Vancouver has always aspired to.

12221 81st Street in Northwest Edmonton, one of Raymond Tomlin's boyhood homes, where he attended Grades 5 and 6 at nearby Eastwood Elementary12221 81st Street, in northwest Edmonton, my family home from late 1959 through 1961

In 1960, with the help of my tall oak of a grandfather, my parents bought a house in northwest Edmonton, at 12221 81st Street, a working-aspiring-to-middle class neighbourhood, where I attended Eastwood Elementary for Grades 5 & 6, the new school and neighbourhood a step up from inner-city Edmonton, where we had rented for a year, and where I attended Sir John A. McDougall school in Grade 4 befriending all of the tough kids in school, helping them with their in-class & their homework, in exchange keeping me safe — to say it was a rough neighbourhood is to dramatically understate the matter. Still, I made it out in one piece, and was glad for the move.
As I say, my mother loved country roots music, the music of her youth, the music she sang, and the music that most spoke to her, that I believe kept her alive and her mind and spirit active — amidst the three back-breaking jobs she always held down, working at a puff wheat factory overnight for the entirety of our three-year tenure in Edmonton, working at a local bakery during the day, and the Swift Meat Packing Plant in the late afternoon and throughout the evening, ambitious and anxious to get ahead, or at least keep hers, and our heads above water, my father continuing his work at the Post Office, and surprising to everyone stepping up to the plate as our increasingly competent and loving father, to whom I’d help teach the ability to read, and with whom I’d spend endless hours quizzing him on aspects of his employment, in preparation for the quarterly tests of competence imposed by a draconian employer, the Canada Post Office.
Every now and then, though, my mother would get an evening off — she didn’t want to sit around the house “wasting time”, as she put it, she wanted to go out into the evening, be with people, to live and to feel free and to feel a part of the community, and if there was a country music concert at the nearby and walkable Edmonton Fairgrounds, all the better.
My mother loved to walk. One early Tuesday evening, she told my sister and I to put on our coats, that we were going out, saying to my father, “You’re coming along, too, to keep the kids out of mischief, to keep an eye on them so they don’t run away” — not that my sister and I ever did, we were homebodies, most evenings both my father and mother off at work, my sister and I at home watching TV or doing our homework, or visiting with friends in the neighbourhood, but back at home never later than 8pm.
On this particularly chill October 1960 evening, we made our way down to what appeared to us to be a deserted Edmonton Fairgrounds, although once inside the grounds and the closer we got to as our yet unknown destination, the clearer were the sounds of guitars being tuned up, and voices testing microphones — until we found ourselves arriving at a small tent, chairs for about 75 people, over the course of the half hour we waited for the evening’s festivities to begin, much to our mother’s displeasure, kicking around the sawdust on the floor, while looking around at the others who were in attendance, a few ragtag kids, but mostly adults in heavy, working class clothing, most drawn and seemingly weary with life, until …

Burl Ives, Wilf Carter and Hank Snow performed at a concert held on the Edmonton Fairgrounds in the autumn of 1960, the concert taking place in a small tent, sawdust on the floor, with no more than 75 people in attendanceClassic country music artists extraordinaire, The Wayfaring Stranger, Burl Ives; Montana Slim, otherwise know as Wilf Carter, and the Singing Cowboy himself, Hank Snow.

“Howdy, my name is Burl Ives, and this here to my left is Wilf Carter and standin’ next to him, the singing ranger himself, Hank Snow.”
And with that introduction, the small but fervently enthusiastic crowd came alive, as we were treated to a concert, and musicianship the likes of which I would not hear again till 1998, at a Lucinda Williams concert at The Vogue.
For the first and only time in my life, I saw my mother happy, in her element, dancing off to the side, a look of bliss on her face, her tired and aching bones revitalized with a renewed energy and strength, two and a half hours in my mother’s life that neither she nor I would ever forget, one of the best nights of my life, when I felt safe and loved amidst the music that had long been the soundtrack of my life, as it still remains to this day.