We’ve Come A Long Way. Baby. Or, Maybe Not.

August 7, 2004Unbelievable TruthRaymond Tomlin

PARIS BATTERED!

When perennial partygoer, and Simple Life star, Paris Hilton arrived at the club Concorde in Los Angeles last Wednesday sporting a series of strange marks on her arms (and here) and face, insiders from Hollywood to the Hamptons began buzzing about the bruises, wondering whether Paris’ on-again, off-again boyfriend, Nick Carter, a former Backstreet Boy and older brother of singer, Aaron Carter, was the culprit.
By the weekend, the blame game had begun, with friends saying that the bruising on Paris’ body was indeed Nick’s work. Meanwhile, Nick’s lawyer, Martin D. Singer, denied his client’s involvement and told a reporter that Paris’ pals were spreading rumours simply because Paris was angry with her ex.
According to the New York Post, which has never been known to be wrong …

… after she and Carter joined pal Amanda Demme at the Argyle Hotel, where Demme throws a weekly party. “They were dirty dancing together,” said one Argyle spy. “They were very lovey-dovey, staring into each other’s eyes. We all thought they were back together.”
But after Hilton and the ex-Backstreet Boy left the Argyle to party at another club, Joseph’s, the mood turned sour. “Nick wanted to leave, Paris didn’t,” said a Hilton pal, adding, “Nick forced Paris to leave, he made her get in a cab with him.” Hilton alleges to friends Carter later lost his temper. Friends say Hilton is ‘scared to death’. The pal added: “He has major anger-management issues. We have seen bruises on her before and asked her about them. She has always denied it — until now.”

Advice to Paris: If Nick is beating you, file a police report and dump his ass!
Built RAM Tough — With An Ovary Here and An Ovary There
Many of you are familiar with the “Tough Guy” image that truck companies try to create with their television commercials — with all the off-roading and drag-racing up hills with boats in tow (because there’s all that water at the top of hills) … incidentally, most of what you see voids the warranty that comes with such vehicles. Anyway, a Columbia University student poses the question as to just how ‘macho’ a Dodge Ram can be when their emblem is basically the female reproductive system with nostrils:

The Decline and Fall of Western Civilization

We leave you tonight with a sad commentary on contemporary social mores.
The first video game release for the newly merged Vivendi-Universal would appear to be Fight Club, a game version of the utterly pointless and ultra violent Brad Pitt / Edward Norton picture from a few years back. Here’s the trailer (faint of heart take note: there’s a great deal of violence, even if it is cartoon game violence).
And just what kind of example does this type of violence provide for our youth? Watch this gruesome video of two high school girls taking one another on in a friend’s back yard for the answer to that question.

From Aging Children to Foreign Adventure

August 5, 2004Video & DVDRaymond Tomlin

Ah, yes. The dog days of summer.

A distaff version of Big, 13 Going On 30’s gender bended story takes on a contemporary Sex and the City gloss in telling what becomes — due to a warm, charismatic turn from Alias star Jennifer Garner — an endearing coming-of-age story. Where Tom Hanks’ character magically grew up, but still remained in his childhood world, Garner’s character has been zapped into her future, with her childhood friends grown up (including Matt, the chubby boy next door, who’s turned into Mark Ruffalo) and her parents aging. Director Gary Winick (Tadpole) sets a snappy pace. When combined with Garner’s gawky sweetness and Ruffalo’s enigmatic dreamboat, what you’ve got is an engaging and wholly preposterous gumdrop of a film.

In Hidalgo, his first film since completing the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Aragon’s Viggo Mortenson is back in the saddle as Frank T. Hopkins, a real-life horseman once billed as the ‘greatest distance rider the West has ever known’, and now a down on his luck cowboy. A story of second chances, Hopkins is enticed into entering the ‘Ocean of Fire’, a treacherous 3,000-mile race across the Arabian Desert. Mortenson’s wary, taciturn soulfulness works. Unfortunately, this not-so-ripping yarn about Western will prevailing over sandstorms, conniving competitors and Muslim pride turns into an all-too-predictable affair, charming but hardly dazzling.

Global TV’s Fall TV Schedule
CanWest Brings You More American Shows More of the Time

August 4, 2004TelevisionRaymond Tomlin

Come this fall, Global TV intends to play much the same game with their schedule that Fox, south of the border, announced a couple of months back. Which means that, from week-to-week throughout the fall and winter, you won’t be able to count on finding many of your favourite television shows in the same spots they were the week before.
As the Globe and Mail’s Guy Dixon wrote in his piece on Global’s upcoming fall 2004 television schedule …

The old idea of a network simply débuting a fall lineup of programmes, which then repeats in the summer, has been laid to rest. In its place is a complicated schedule of show premières stretching into January.

As is the case with the two other private Canadian broadcasters — CTV and CHUM — Global’s fall schedule is heavily laden with American imports.

As you’ve seen in the endless ads for Global’s upcoming season, Friends spinoff Joey (Windows Media Player required); the new Heather Locklear – Blair Underwood airport drama, LAX; The Practice spinoff, Boston Legal; the John Goodman comedy, Center of the Universe; the hour-long drama, The Mountain; House, an ensemble hospital drama about doctors at a Boston medical clinic; Jonny Zero, a drama from ER and The West Wing-producer John Wells about an ex-con with ambitions of becoming a private investigator (January to June); and summer try-outs North Shore and One Tree Hill are among the 40 new shows that have made Global’s fall schedule.

The Apprentice will anchor Global TV’s Thursday nights when the new television season begins this fall.
In addition to The Apprentice and the similarly themed The Billionaire, Global will unveil a pair of boxing-based reality series over the coming year: The Contender, from Apprentice and Survivor producer Mark Burnett and Sylvester Stallone, and The Next Great Champ, featuring champion boxer Oscar De La Hoya and a roster of unknown prize-fighting prospects.
An ever-shifting TV landscape means changes for both Global and CH’s (the latter, Global’s regional network designation) primetime schedules.
Will and Grace and Malcolm in the Middle will return but at new times and, in Will & Grace’s case, on a new day: Wednesdays at 8:30.
24 will return in January, when it will move to Mondays at 9.
Returning shows on familiar nights and times: The Apprentice, Crossing Jordan, Everybody Loves Raymond, Fear Factor, Gilmore Girls, JAG, Judging Amy, King of the Hill, Las Vegas, NYPD Blue, The Simpsons, Survivor, That ’70s Show, Two and a Half Men and Without A Trace.
Returning Canadian shows include Andromeda, Doc, Mutant X, Train 48, Zoe Busiek: Wild Card, and the Burnaby-based Stargate SG-1.
Global’s new Canadian reality series include The Block, a home renovation series based on a popular Australian original, featuring four couples competing to see who can best renovate a run-down apartment; Last Chance for Romance, a relationship dating programme set at a Caribbean resort hotel; and The Temps, a hidden-camera series about unsuspecting office temps compelled to cope with bizarre workplace situations.
And given the recent success of the documentary form, Global has announced that it will produce and air 30 new homegrown documentaries, including a profile of Canada’s women’s Olympic soccer team, a look at the Vivendi-Universal media merger between Jean-Marie Messier and Edgar Bronfman Jr., and a behind-the-scenes look at the inner workings of Vanity Fair, O, Playboy and Macleans magazines.
As for the remaining Canadian television network schedules: here’s a peek at CBC’s, CTV’s and CHUM’s fall television schedules.
For the major U.S. networks fall television schedules, click on the following direct VanRamblings’ links: ABC, NBC, the WB, Fox and UPN, and CBS.

Tech Tuesday: Focus on Security

August 3, 2004Web & TechRaymond Tomlin

Scan Your Computer for Trojans, Worms and Viruses, For Free
The Japanese antivirus company, Trend Micro, has come up with an effective online virus scan, called Housecall. Just click on the following link, and Housecall will scan your computer for intruders. Depending on the size of your hard drive(s), and the relative power of your computer’s CPU, the process should take anywhere from about half an hour to an hour. Trend Micro updates the virus definitions each time you activate the scan.
You can also run Trend Micro’s Hackercheck, simultaneously, to check for possible hacker intrusion points, or open (which oughta be closed) ports.
In addition, the company offers their Damage Cleanup Engine.
Here’s how to set it up: Create a folder called sysclean on your C:\ root directory. Click here to download the Sysclean package (bottom of the page), and save the sysclean.com file to the C:\sysclean folder. Next (and this is important), click on latest pattern file. You’ll be taken to a new page. Scroll down and click on HTTP, and save the file to your sysclean folder.
You’ll have to unzip this file, and extract it to your sysclean folder. Finally, click on the sysclean.com file; the engine will start. The Sysclean package:

terminates all malware instances in memory
removes malware registry entries
removes malware entries from system files
scans for and deletes all malware copies in all local hard drives

The Damage Cleanup Engine will take about an hour, or so, to run.
While you’re at it, you might as well download the latest version of Network Associates’ McAfee Stinger to scan your computer for the 45 newest Trojans and worms. McAfee Stinger 2.3.7 installation instructions are here.
Of course, scanning for viruses using Housecall and Hackercheck, and running the Damage Cleanup Engine does not obviate the need for an effective, always on, antivirus programme. Grisoft continues to offer AVG as an effective, free, antivirus programme for non-commercial users.