PARIS BATTERED!

When perennial partygoer, and Simple Life star, Paris Hilton arrived at the club Concorde in Los Angeles last Wednesday sporting a series of strange marks on her arms (and here) and face, insiders from Hollywood to the Hamptons began buzzing about the bruises, wondering whether Paris’ on-again, off-again boyfriend, Nick Carter, a former Backstreet Boy and older brother of singer, Aaron Carter, was the culprit.
By the weekend, the blame game had begun, with friends saying that the bruising on Paris’ body was indeed Nick’s work. Meanwhile, Nick’s lawyer, Martin D. Singer, denied his client’s involvement and told a reporter that Paris’ pals were spreading rumours simply because Paris was angry with her ex.
According to the New York Post, which has never been known to be wrong …

… after she and Carter joined pal Amanda Demme at the Argyle Hotel, where Demme throws a weekly party. “They were dirty dancing together,” said one Argyle spy. “They were very lovey-dovey, staring into each other’s eyes. We all thought they were back together.”
But after Hilton and the ex-Backstreet Boy left the Argyle to party at another club, Joseph’s, the mood turned sour. “Nick wanted to leave, Paris didn’t,” said a Hilton pal, adding, “Nick forced Paris to leave, he made her get in a cab with him.” Hilton alleges to friends Carter later lost his temper. Friends say Hilton is ‘scared to death’. The pal added: “He has major anger-management issues. We have seen bruises on her before and asked her about them. She has always denied it — until now.”

Advice to Paris: If Nick is beating you, file a police report and dump his ass!
Built RAM Tough — With An Ovary Here and An Ovary There
Many of you are familiar with the “Tough Guy” image that truck companies try to create with their television commercials — with all the off-roading and drag-racing up hills with boats in tow (because there’s all that water at the top of hills) … incidentally, most of what you see voids the warranty that comes with such vehicles. Anyway, a Columbia University student poses the question as to just how ‘macho’ a Dodge Ram can be when their emblem is basically the female reproductive system with nostrils:

The Decline and Fall of Western Civilization

We leave you tonight with a sad commentary on contemporary social mores.
The first video game release for the newly merged Vivendi-Universal would appear to be Fight Club, a game version of the utterly pointless and ultra violent Brad Pitt / Edward Norton picture from a few years back. Here’s the trailer (faint of heart take note: there’s a great deal of violence, even if it is cartoon game violence).
And just what kind of example does this type of violence provide for our youth? Watch this gruesome video of two high school girls taking one another on in a friend’s back yard for the answer to that question.

A Lesson for Crispin Glover: When Not To Take LSD

A few years back, actor Crispin Glover had, what appeared to be, a nervous breakdown while visiting David Letterman’s late night show on NBC. Subsequent to Glover’s onstage antics, Letterman swore that Marty McFly’s dad would never appear on his show again. Well, here it is a new millennium, and VanRamblings learns (c/o All Things Christie) that Mr. Glover wasn’t suffering from acute psychological distress, rather … he was making like Art Linkletter’s worst nightmare. Here is Crispin Glover ‘kicking it’ on the Letterman show.
Funnier Than Anchorman: Will Ferrell Makes Like Bush

After spending over $75 million on fraudulent attacks, Bush White House apparatchik Karl Rove is back to selling the true Texas cowboy. Throughout August, Bush campaign commercials will feature President Bush at his ranch in Crawford, Texas. What will these commercials look like? Comedian Will Ferrell takes us for a behind-the-scenes look at ‘White House West’.
Summer at the Movies. A Video With More Heart Than I Robot

Migawd, this has been one lousy summer at the movies. There are no sleepers. Not one film has broken out, unexpectedly, to emerge as a hit. Second week box office drop-offs remain in the 60% range, and from Van Helsing to The Village and The Manchurian Candidate, this has been a summer of disappointment for most dedicated movie-goers. Fortunately, VanRamblings comes to the rescue tonight, presenting this heartfelt glimpse into our future, a video
that is everything that I Robot could never hope to be, whatever the budget.

Justin Cheats on Cameron, and We All Weep

You’ve heard about it elsewhere, but VanRamblings has the naughty pictures and the whole salacious story (courtesy of Olde Blighty’s News of the World), all for you.
According to Britain’s favourite scandal rag, former ’NSYNC member and current pop prince Justin Timberlake spent two sizzling nights with model Lucy Clarkson (pictured to your right), while Justin’s girlfriend, Cameron Diaz, was 5,000 miles away in Los Angeles playing domestic goddess.
Still and all, according to the voluptuous Lucy Clarkson, neither she nor he scored …

“I kept saying to him that I wasn’t ready and he kept asking me why. I told him we didn’t have condoms. But it was obvious he was desperate to make love.”

For more on Justin’s boob fetish, take a moment to read the whole romantic, silly, virtually chaste, rock ’n roll story … here.
Star’s Gone From Superbabe To Wreck of the Month

Sure, they call her the Princess of Pop, the blonde babe whose sexy videos are as memorable as her catchy singles.
But just four months before her wedding, Britney Spears’ drop-dead gorgeous looks seemed to, well, have dropped dead.
At 22, riddled with spots, the once sleek and chiseled Britney now has a double chin, puffy eyes, droopy boobs and wrinkles.
The whole sordid story is available here. Read it and weep.

In a global exclusive, News of the World has broken the outrageous, tantalizing, titillating and salacious story, Britney was my sex-mad bride (brought to you by VanRamblings for posterity) of just how Britney Spears “bedded her childhood sweetheart (Jason Alexander, 22) ‘like an animal’, then wrecked his life with a 55-hour marriage than stunned the world.”

“We made love in her bed, her shower and her bath,” says Jason. “She asked me to marry her but when the lawyers demanded I end our marriage she didn’t stop them — and it caused chaos in my life.”

VanRamblings’ big mooshy, gooshy heart goes out to poor boy, Jason.
Couple Has Sex On Stage During Rock Concert

Fun-loving couple have sex on rock concert stage

As Kristopher Schau and his band Cumshots were in the middle of their concert, a young couple entered the stage, stripped and had sex on stage during the concert. See photos here and here.
The young couple, Tommy Hol Ellingsen, age 28, and Leona Johansson, age 21, are members of the environmental organization Fuck the Forest. They have sex in public in order to put focus on the rainforest. The last time Ellingsen and Johansson had public sex, they collected US$14,677, but nobody wanted to take the money.
“The goal is to take over the entire commercial porn industry and transfer all the money to protection of the environment,” Ellingsen explained. However, Norway’s Rainforest Foundation is far from thrilled by the way the small organization has chosen to raise money.

“I cannot see that this helps the work for the rainforest,” says Lars Lövold, of Rainforest Foundation Norway. “Generally speaking, we accept donations, but if the money is coming from illegal activity, from someone who abuses the rainforest or wishes to abuse our name, we say ‘No thank you’. This may be the case here.”

The police are investigating if the case is a possible breach of the criminal code’s paragraph 2001 regarding indecent conduct. The sentencing for such crimes is as much as one year in jail or fines.
Tara Reid Takes The Girls For A Test Drive


Looks like our favourite 20-something actress / model / multi-time dumpee, Tara Reid, went for the full meal deal when she decided on breast augmentation surgery. Not for her the modest, demure look. Instead, Tara is out every night on the Hollywood scene, sporting her new ‘friends’. And she accomplishes exactly what by opting for bigger boobs?
Pictures Galore: Hilary and Britney Go Shopping, While Kirsten …

Here’s teen queen Hilary Duff on the town with her boyfriend, just coming home from a shopping trip. Meanwhile, Britney and her new beau, Kevin Federline, are locking lips on the balcony, providing the paparazzi with this prize-winning shot; by the way, here’s Shar Jackson, Kevin’s most recent squeeze, and mommy-to-be with his kid … oh, did we forget to mention, that this will be Kevin’s 2nd child with Shar?).
And, let’s not forget about Hollywood’s cutest young couple, Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal, pictured here at the première screening of Spider-man 2.
Then there’s a particularly hideous Paris Hilton in her new Guess ad. Scary, huh?