Category Archives: Jude and Megan

Stories of a Life | Is Raymond Jewish? | Yep, Certainly by Blood

In the early part of the 20th century, my grandfather escaped the Ukrainian pogroms, an ethnic cleansing of the Jewish population that was taking place across eastern Europe1903: In the early part of the 20th century, my grandfather escaped the Ukrainian pogroms, an ethnic cleansing of the Jewish population that was taking place across eastern Europe that resulted in the murder of tens of thousands of Jews.

Whether it be the 11 congregants at Pittsburgh’s Tree of Life synagogue who were wantonly murdered only two short weeks ago, or Jews being targeted in the alt-right rally in Charlottesville on August 11th and 12th of 2017, or the 907 Jewish refugees escaping Hitler’s Germany in 1939 who were refused safe harbour in both Canada and the United States, most of the 907 returning to their deaths in Europe, where six million more Jews were slaughtered during the course of WWII, or the fact that since 2015 hate crimes in Canada against people of the Jewish faith has risen by an astonishing 30%, the fact of the Jewish diaspora and the murder over the centuries of hundreds of thousands of Jews as “the other” in countries across the globe is a devastating and unjust historical fact for the ages.

Pogrom of 1819 in Frankfurt, GermanyThe Hep-Hep riots in Frankfurt, Germany in 1819 that occurred amidst a climate of anti-Semitism fueled by various anti-Jewish publications. Participants in these riots rallied to the cry, “Hepp Hepp”, which may have been an acronym for “Hierosolyma est perdita”, meaning “Jerusalem is lost”. On the left, two peasant women are assaulting a Jewish man with pitchfork and broom. On the right, a man wearing spectacles, tails and a six-button waistcoat, “perhaps a pharmacist or a schoolteacher,” holds another Jewish man by the throat and is about to club him with a truncheon. The houses are being looted.

First recorded in 1882, the Russian word pogrom is derived from the common prefix po- and the verb gromit’ meaning “to destroy, to wreak havoc, to demolish violently” — apparently a word borrowed from Yiddish, the term first used to describe the anti-Semitic excesses in the Russian Empire from 1881 — 1883. Antisemitism in the Ukraine has been a historical issue, as well, but became more widespread in the 20th century.
Pogroms were a generational fact of life in the Ukraine, in 1821, 1859, 1871, 1881, 1903 and 1905, across the whole of the Ukraine.
In 1903, when my grandfather was but a young Jewish teenage boy, he managed to escape the Odessa pogroms that killed thousands that year, making his way by foot to Sweden, where he hoped to find passage to Canada. Word had filtered into Europe at the turn of the last century that the Canadian government was offering tracts of land to European settlers, and it was with this fact in mind that my grandfather set about to make his way to Canada, fully aware that Jews were not included in the Canadian government’s offer of land in exchange for breadbasket farming development, in the hope of settling the Prairie provinces, and making Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba part of the new country of Canada.

Ship transporting Jews from Europe to Canada at the turn of the last century

While in Sweden, my grandfather married a young Jewish woman he met while awaiting passage, and not many months later the two were boarded onto a ship sailing out of Sweden for Canada, arriving in our burgeoning new country in the spring of 1905. Irrespective of the laws of the time, and because the new province of Alberta was desperate to have their land settled, my grandparents were provided a densely treed tract, a full section of land just outside of what we now know as High River, Alberta. Over the years, one section of land grew into many, 10 children were born, five boys and five girls, the last of whom was my mother, born on March 28th, 1924.
The life was hardscrabble, even more so upon the death of my grandmother in the early winter of 1927, when my mother was but three years of age. All the children pitched in, though, creating a thriving farm — up until the Great Depression of the 1930s. By the time my mother was twelve years of age, she had struck out on her own, making a life for herself as a waitress in Drumheller, Alberta, a job she held off and on for the next fourteen years. World War II saw her moving to Vancouver to work first in the shipyards, and then in the factories making armaments — factory work a staple of her life for the next 35 years.
In 1946, my mother Mary met my father Jack, the two were married, and in 1947 my brother Robert was born, a sickly child who died three months after his birth. Escaping grief, my parents moved to Drumheller, where my mother had friends, and where her old waitress job awaited her, my father picking up what work he could. On August 9th, 1950, my mother went into labour, and had my father drive the both of them back over the deadly Rocky Mountain pass, the two arriving in Vancouver and driving directly to Vancouver General Hospital, where I was born at 2:26pm on Friday, August 11th, 1950. My sister Linda was born a bit less than two years later at St. Paul’s Hospital, on May 29th, 1952. My mother had insisted that both her children be born in Vancouver — to know my mother is to know that no one ever refused her. To this day, I am attracted only, and have found myself in loving relationships with tough, take no guff, opinionated (and, dare I say, “crazy” and just a tad, or more than a tad, mentally unstable — and, yes, I realize that’s sorta like the pot calling the kettle black … even so) women.

Jewish family, early 1950s

For the first 20 years of my life, the fact of my Jewishness was never raised with either my sister or me, not by my parents, not by my “spinster” aunt Freda (Blackerman, my mother’s maiden name), nor my aunt Anne and Uncle Dave, my uncle Joe nor any of my mother’s Jewish brothers and sisters — the quid pro quo in my family was that if my aunts, uncles and cousins wanted me to be a part of their lives, there was to be no talk of my Jewish heritage — this edict by my mother extended as well to my tall oak of a grandfather, who was every bit the sophisticated patrician Jew.
Every Sunday of our youth, my sister and I were picked up by a small school bus and transported to Sunday school, spending the rest of the day being taken to lunch, swimming, out to Stanley Park, or otherwise engaged by the members of the church. Every week I memorized and recited verses from the New Testament at Sunday school.
Now, there were some “hints” given that I might be Jewish — my mother, when she wasn’t working at one of her three jobs, loved to bake, and I grew up on a steady diet of Jewish pastries, my favourite the jam-infused hamantaschen, and jam, nut and raisin-infused rugelach, which latter small pastries I could consume by the dozen.
Growing up there was a great deal of arguing that went on between my parents, epithets thrown at my mother by my father, with the words “dirty Jew” heard on the other side of the door inside of my parent’s bedroom, words raged at my mother by my father. Otherwise, although I suspected I was Jewish, the fact was never confirmed for me growing up.

Simon Fraser University's Louis Riel House, a student family one-and-two-bedroom apartmentSimon Fraser University’s Louis Riel House, student family 1 + 2 bedroom residence

At around 10am one summer’s morning in July, 1972, while we were resident at Louis Riel House, Cathy and I received a telephone call from a woman identifying herself as my “Aunt Sally.” I took pains to explain to her that she must have the wrong number, that I had no “Aunt Sally”, to which she replied …

“I am your Aunt Sally. Your mother is Mary, who is my youngest sister. Your Aunt Freda — who all but raised you — is my second youngest sister. Summer’s you went to stay with your Auntie Anne, my sister, and your Uncle Dave, in Lethbridge. When you were younger, you stayed on my father’s farm in High River, Alberta. You know my older brother, Joe — who, when you lived in Edmonton for Grades 4, 5 and 6, helped to raise you when your mother was working three jobs, and your father was working evenings at the Post Office. Believe me when I say, Raymond — I am your Aunt Sally.”

At which point, my newly-discovered Aunt Sally invited Cathy and I for lunch at the Bayshore Inn where she and her husband, Alex (Promislow) were staying while in town, on a mission to make contact with me. Aunt Sally told me that she’d already made arrangements with my mother to join us for lunch, and she expected Cathy and I to arrive at noon, where she would greet us at the entrance to The Bayshore.

Westin Bayshore Inn, Vancouver, circa 1972

Lunch was good, my mother remaining all but mute throughout the meal.
I met my Uncle Alex, Sally’s husband — who years earlier had secured the distribution rights for Lee’s jeans in Canada, a percentage of each pair of jeans, and other Lee’s products, placed into his bank account, making him a wealthy man. I heard all about my aunt, now living in Calgary, spending the early part of her life, after leaving home, in Winnipeg, where she’d met Alex. I was given the Five Books of Moses, and was provided with a more in-depth history of my family, dating back centuries, than I ever could have hoped for. Through it all, my mother denied her Jewishness — she readily admitted that Sally was her sister, but insisted she had been adopted, and had not a drop of Jewish blood in her, and as an atheist had never been a member of any church, never mind a synagogue, which notion she told us she found offensive and off-putting, her so-called “heritage” a complete and utter lie. My aunt Sally simply rolled her eyes, and harrumphed a bit.
I stayed in touch with my aunt Sally and Uncle Alex for another 15 years, but eventually lost touch with the both of them.

Jewish Community Centre, Vancouver

Growing up, I apprised both Jude and Megan of their Jewish heritage — much to their mother’s chagrin, my children’s mother both anti-religion and an avowed atheist. Hanukkah, one of the lesser Jewish holidays, was their favourite, occurring as it did in December, and generally just before Christmas. Jude and Megan loved receiving one small gift each day of Hanukkah, and enjoyed lighting the menora, as well. We always attended cultural celebrations at the Jewish Community Centre, dancing up a storm.
Jude and Megan had Jewish friends, and attended at various bat and bar mitzvahs, but did not have one of their own (their mother would have had a conniption fit!). During Passover, we were invited to friend’s homes for Seder, at which time our Jewish friends explained the importance of Passover, and what it meant to people of the Jewish faith.
I have come to believe that the immense amount of energy that I have brought to the tasks of my life — as is the case with my daughter, who possesses the same capacity as me to work days on end with little or no sleep, while maintaining both a high energy and output level — derives from the Jewish blood that courses through my veins. For my children, their Jewishness is not a factor in their lives, as is the case with my grandsons.
Still, I consider myself to be Jewish — my mother was Jewish, and Judaism is a matriarchy, so I am very much a Jew, even if my mother denied her Jewish heritage to her dying day. For my younger sister Linda, her Jewish heritage plays no role in her life, nor in that of my two nieces.
I have decided to take classes with Rabbi Dan Moskovitz in the new year to become better acquainted with my heritage — a bit late in my life, but better late than never. And, of course, at the invitation of my friend Jacob Kojfman, I will once again attend the Dreidels & Drinks Hanukkah celebration, for me the low-key, warmly inviting, edifying and humane event of the holiday season, to which are invited every federal, provincial and Metro Vancouver elected official, providing an opportunity to converse and interact across political boundaries (the number of political figures I introduced to one another, avowed “enemies” at first introduction, and only a few minutes later best of friends, person after person approaching me to say, “Thank you for that introduction, Raymond — who’d have thought that —- and I had so much in common? We got along famously!”

Dreidels & Drinks Hanukkah celebration in Vancouver

And, really, when you get right down to it, isn’t that what the holiday season is all about — peace, love, understanding, brother-and-sisterhood.

The Music of One’s Life, The Voices of Women | The Rescues

Music of Life

In 1993, my friend J.B. Shayne was visiting in my home, and as I was preparing a bit of lunch, he scanned my vast (at the time, anyway) CD collection — about 10 minutes into his investigative process, J.B. turned to me and said, “Do you realize that 80% of your music collection features female vocalists?” At the time, the thought had never occurred to me that J.B.’s statement might be true. Somehow, I’d just never realized it.
Over the coming months, then, as you might well expect, VanRamblings’ readers may reasonably project that the vast majority of music I’ll be writing about will feature women vocalists, from my country and Americana favourites Kasey Chambers, Allison Moorer, Iris DeMent, Kacey Musgraves, Lady Antebellum, Lori McKenna, Miranda Lambert, Nickel Creek, The Secret Sisters, Julia Stone and Lucinda Williams, to my fave urban contemporary artists like Chrisette Michelle, Teedra Moses, Nicki Flores, Rihanna, Mary J. Blige, Amel Larriuex, and Krys Ivory, to the following cross-genre artists …
Cat Power, Emiliana Torrini, Julien Baker, Laura Nyro, Lianne Le Havas, Rickie Lee Jones, Stina Nordenstam, Tracey Thorne, Gemma Hayes, Eva Cassidy, Feist, Imogen Heap, Robyn, Missy Higgins, Sharon van Etten, Laura Jansen, Lily Allen, Fiona Apple, Bic Runga, Beth Orton, Adaline, Coeur de Pirate, Emil Sande, Jem and Lykke Li, to female fronted groups like …
Apples in Stereo, Azure Ray, CocoRosie, The Roches, Rumer, and more.
The above artists only scratch the surface of my musical itch for discovery.

Let her sing, female vocalists in the contemporary era

Sometimes, there are songs that I just keep returning to, music with harmonies featuring women’s voices, songs that pick me up, brighten my mood and give me hope. That’s the music I’m presenting today.
The Rescues were formed in Los Angeles in 2008, a female fronted indie supergroup, featuring acclaimed singer / songwriter and multi instrumentalist Kyler England, composer, video director and artist Adrianne Gonzalez, who were joined by conductor and film score composer Gabriel Mann, and a rotating fourth vocalist, The Rescues together creating a free form amalgam of cross-genre musical styles ranging from acoustic, folk and Americana to progressive dance, electronica, hip-hop and rap.
Although Katy Perry did a cover of The Rescues’ Teenage Dream, Kyler England, Adrianne Gonzalez, Gabriel Mann and Rob Giles created the captivatingly gorgeous four-part harmonies that you’ll hear in their definitive version of Teenage Dream. Listen for yourself & enjoy …

Stories of a Life | Fathers and Daughters | Megan & Me | Part 1

Megan, sleeping, December 1978

In my 68 years on this planet, from the time of her birth, the most meaningful relationship in my life was the one I shared with my daughter, Megan, who saw something in me, a kindness of spirit and a gentleness of soul that previous to her birth on Saturday, March 26th 1977 was unplumbed, a capacity for love that remains in me still today, as will always be the case.
Megan was a breach birth, undecided if she wanted to make her entrance into the world. At Burnaby General Hospital, late on that Saturday night, Cathy under anaesthetic, forceps brought my daughter through the birth canal into the warmth of the operating room. After the umbilical cord had been snipped, Megan was wrapped in swaddling clothes, and given to me.
For the first 10 minutes of her new life, I held Megan in my arms, she looking directly into my eyes, and mine into hers, an event that is most often referred to as imprinting, a remarkable phenomenon that occurs in the first minutes and hours of life. From that moment to this, my connection with my daughter has remained the strongest bond of my life.
The months after Megan’s birth were tempestuous in her mother’s life, as our marriage was slowly breaking down.
By the time Megan was nine months of age, and I was enrolled in a Master’s programme at Simon Fraser University, her mother had removed Megan from the jurisdiction several times — these days we’d call it kidnapping, but back then in the limbo of a jurisdictional dispute between the family court and Supreme Court, and a supine provincial government seemingly unable or unwilling to bring closure to the jurisdictional debate (the Supreme Court eventually “won”, and was given jurisdiction over custodial and all other matters relating to the welfare of children), in B.C. we existed in a state of stasis, the welfare of our children in jeopardy.
Over the months of her first year, Megan would be taken away, I’d frantically attempt to discover her whereabouts, and the family court, police & Ministry of Human Resources would become involved in the pursuit of discovering Megan’s whereabouts (I was never overly concerned about Megan’s welfare — I knew she was with her mother and that was fine with me, it was just that I missed her & wished her reunited with her brother).
Early in 1978, when Megan had “disappeared” again, this time for a couple of months — Cathy had taken Megan to her mother’s winter home in Arizona — and was “apprehended” by Ministry social workers upon Cathy and Megan’s return, arrangements were made to once again place Megan in my care (at the time, I thought Cathy had got a raw deal in the courts).
One Saturday afternoon early in the year, arrangements were made for a social worker to drop Megan off at a friend’s home in the 4400 block of Albert Street, near Willingdon and East Hastings. A request had been made that the “exchange” take place in a public area — in this case, a friend’s home — and shortly after 1pm, there was a knock at the door. Someone sitting nearby the front entrance opened the door, the social worker asked if I was present, to which the person who’d answered the door said, “yes.” I could see around the corner near the front entrance, and could see Megan gently moved from the arms of the social worker, until her two feet touched the ground, at which point the social worker exited.

marxist reading group

Megan, looking into the room, saw what I am sure she experienced as an unusual and confusing sight. That afternoon, was my usual practice, I was a participant in a Marxist reading group, about 20 friends scattered around the room, half of them men, half of them women. As was the de rigeur haberdashery presentation style of the day, I was wearing rimless glasses, had on a check shirt and jeans, my hair dark, wavy and unkempt, as I sat reclined in an armchair on the other side of the room, about twenty to twenty-five feet away from where Megan stood near the front entrance.
Megan set about to scan the room, all the men looking almost identical with their longish dark hair, checkered shirts, beards, worn jeans, with world weary, pre-revolutionary looks on their faces. The room went momentarily silent, at which point Megan took her first tentative steps, then a bit more determinedly, heading straight for me, stopping at and holding my bony knees, allowing me to pick her up and onto my lap, she turning to look at my face, then placing her body against my chest, breathing slowly and rhythmically. The Marxist reading group continued our afternoon’s activity.
After two months away from me, and at such a young age, how did Megan recognize me on that chill mid-winter’s afternoon?
The answer: the same way she has always recognized me, as my daughter, me as her father, our bond unbreakable, then, now and forever.

Stories of a Life | The Fine Art of Flirting | Towards Connection

The Fine Art of Flirting and Seduction as a Mean to Establish a Connection

In 1986, some 32 years ago now, when my daughter Megan was a strapling girl of nine years, late one autumn Sunday morning on Granville Island, Megan and Jude and I — the three of us having enjoyed our once-a-month breakfast on the Island — found ourselves in the Market wandering up and down the aisles where various of the foodsmiths had set up their wares.
As Megan and I were standing among the throngs of families along one of the aisles, waiting for Jude to make his way back in from the area just outside the southeast doors, where he was on the sunny promenade chasing the birds, I spotted a tall, strikingly beautiful woman in brightly coloured, textured clothing. Megan saw that I had noticed this woman.
Megan looked at me and said, “No, don’t.”
“But, Megan,” I responded.
Fine, but don’t take too long.”
So, leaving Megan alone momentarily, I approached the young woman, who was standing with her friend just mere feet away. After introducing myself, I said to the young woman (22 years of age, I was to learn), “I took notice of your colourful & artistic presentation of self, your warmly textured choice of clothing, and was wondering if perhaps you are a student at Emily Carr?”
“Thank you for asking,” she responded. “No, I am not a student at Emily Carr. Rather, I am enrolled in the Psychology Department at UBC’s Point Grey campus, where I am currently working on my undergraduate degree.”
“May I enquire as to what year,” I asked?
“Third,” she said.
Almost fixed, then, I guess,” I said.
“Yes, almost fixed,” she said, sighing just a little, a gentle smile on her lips.
A which point, I bid her adieu, wishing her well, saying what a pleasure it had been to meet her and her friend, indicating Megan standing just a few steps away, and begged my leave in order to return my awaiting daughter.
Upon arriving back at Megan’s side, she looked at me and said, “Well?”
“Not a student at Emily Carr. In her third year in Psychology at UBC,” I said, looking at Megan.
“Oh,” Megan said. “Jude’s going to meet us over at The Loft. I want to get some beads. Let’s head over there now.” And off the two of us went, to be joined by Jude about 10 minutes later.
If you can’t tell from the story above, I am an ineffable, unrepentant, inveterate flirt, as has been the case my entire adult life through until now.

John Steinbeck, East of Eden, on a Woman With Love in her Heart as Being Indestructible

I love women, have always loved women, have found myself gifted throughout the entirety of my adult life with loving relationships of long duration with beautiful, accomplished, tough-minded, take no guff, incredibly bright women of conscience.
Whatever few recommendable aspects there may be of how I bring myself to the world, it is the women in my life who have helped to shape me, and created the man whose words you read on the screen before you.
As it happens, from my teenage years through until the present day, I have never pursued the love of a woman. I possess no desire, nor ever possessed any intent whatsoever, so as to cause concern to any woman, and arising from such have not pursued a relationship with a woman, lest I may cause concern, or interfere with a woman’s quiet enjoyment of life.
Throughout the course of my adult life through until now, there has indeed occurred that rare and salutary occasion when a woman has made known to me her warm feelings of support — but because I am not good at reading signs of interest, the warm feeling must be made well known to me through explicit if gently encouraging conduct, otherwise my relationship with the women with whom I come into contact in the conduct of my life may be best defined as joyous, friendly, and warmly & utterly appreciative.
Every relationship of consequence I have had with a woman, and there have been a few, has come as an utter surprise (an encouragingly pleasant surprise) to me, made plain from that first moment I am kissed unawares, and then kissed again, when I think to myself, “I think she likes me!”
And my heart flutters, a joy washes over me, and I am enveloped in love.
Every relationship of consequence I have had with a woman begins with that first kiss, and you will be surprised to learn has in each case led to immediate co-habitation. Kismet, they call it, reaching across the universe, through time and space to reconnect with someone you have known and who has been a part of your life through the ages, and time immemorial.
And once again, I feel loved and understood, supported and protected, and she having once again found her mate feels loved and understood, supported and protected, and always always she has recognized me, such perhaps that I am once again renewed and reborn, and feel fully alive.
Flirting, though, is not quite that, although it is, still, a reaching across the universe to re-establish a sense of connection with someone you have known always. Innocent flirting. I love both the idea of flirting and the circumstances of flirtation, as a harmless, yet effectual means of establishing an immediate deep, often profound, and enduring connection.

birthday invitation

Eighteen months ago, I was invited to a friend’s birthday party.
Attending at the party was an amalgam of persons of conscience of my acquaintance, folks who are comfortable in their own skin, friendly, relaxed and on this day warmly companionable.
Midway through the party, I found myself standing over by the kitchen, leaning against a dividing wall between the kitchen and the dining room, observing all that was unfolding before me. As a trained sociologist, there’s nothing I like better than to stand back and away from what is going on in a room full of people, simply to observe, as if somehow at the end of the event I am attending, my intention would be to publish a reflective academic treatise, a scholarly abstract to be found in an obscure journal.
Some minutes into my casual yet intensive observation of all those persons attending the celebration, a woman of stature, warmth and substance made her way over to where I was leaning against the divide, the woman in her late 30s maybe, no older than early 40s, blonde, beautiful of soul & presentation, self-assured, warm & welcoming.
Unusual for me, all I said was hello — instead of the usual ramble for which I am well-renowned. I felt at ease with her, safe, comfortable & protected.
A few minutes into our conversation, as is sometimes the case, much to my surprise and amazement, I initiated an innocent flirtation with this woman, more to maintain my comfort level and a sense of equilibrium than for any other reason, in recognition that this was a woman of accomplishment and serious mien with whom I was conversing, well above my station I knew for sure, as she casually self-disclosed the most intimate details of her life with me — which could be seen as nothing else but building a sense of trust, a humane reaching out, and quite simply the most healthy act in which any person of character and conscience might engage, to actually reach out and touch another person’s heart, in the process creating palpable contact and connection, which disclosure required of me the necessity to overcome my natural shyness, to listen with intent and a kind and trusting heart.
So, there I was quietly flirting with this woman of accomplishment, becoming ever more engaged and amazed, but calm, in an ever-increasing zen state with every passing moment. The brief encounter I had with this woman of accomplishment has proved over the past 18th months to be my most moving new connection and engagement of character and substance.

authenticity

During the course of our 15-minute conversation, this woman told me all about herself, about her husband, her family and her children, why she wasn’t living on the west side but instead on the east side of the city, and the circumstances of her life — the only woman, the only person, who at our first meeting has ever trusted me as deeply as was the case here, that afternoon, with so intimate an insight into not just the prosaic aspects of her life, but with a penetrating insight into her philosophical, psychological and emotional makeup, how she derived meaning in her life, the successes of her life and those circumstances where she felt she might have done, and hoped to do better in the future.
No one, but no one is ever self-revelatory — but this vision, this spectral presence of pure loveliness who stood before me on that sunny Saturday afternoon certainly was. I simply stood there transfixed but present, fully appreciative of the gift of trust and connection that was being established, able to engage in conversation as equals, even in recognition of this woman of great accomplishment, astonishing wisdom & utter warmth and kindness.
At which point the woman’s beloved husband popped over to say to his wife that they had to be on their way, after which the two simply vanished.